Funnys......

*deleted*

Come on now... That's not even allowed in the saloon.

dammit i actually thought that would be a decent one. maybe just on the edge, but not over it

Yep... it lost traction and slipped over the edge. ;)

hehe ADMIN OWNS THIS THREAD!!

DUI TENNESEE STYLE!!!

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true
story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris,
Tennessee. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking
lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five
different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He
sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and
drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it
was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple
of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.


He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then
remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons'
vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking
lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up
his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over
and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the
breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol
at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Hillbilly. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

now that's freakin hilarious

Thats a good idea......

Love it....

hahahahaha

This is the worse vacation EVER.

http://suzieqq.wordpress.com/2009/01/06/man-loses-his-pants-in-vail-chairlift-accident-photos/

KevinGT wrote:This is the worse vacation EVER.

[url=http://suzieqq.wordpress.com/2009/01/06/man-loses-his-pants-in-vail-chairlift-accident-photos/

http://suzieqq.wordpress.com/2009/01/06/man-loses-his-pants-in-vail-chairlift-accident-photos/[/quote[/url]]

LMAO!! Good find!

I saw this on the news this morning. Awesome! I bet his trip was free...

Thought these were pretty funny.. Although I think that last picture is a "JearBear".

Awesome... i love those.

And now for More..

now that is an awesome wedding picture

nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Advice Column. Love it.....

Dear Brad,
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road in my 1978 Austin Mini when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34 , and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?

Sincerely, Brenda

************************************************

Dear Brenda,

A classic Mini stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Brad

hahahahahahahha now that's funny

wow, just wow.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.





DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is just a gaming program, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your systems resources). In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. That is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

That "Mini" joke reminds me of the old joke about the two guys out golfing. Bob tees it up on a hole that runs parallel to a major road and cranks one way off the fairway and right through the windshield of an oncoming car causing the driver to lose control and crash. Bob turns to Ed and says "Oh, no, did you see that? What do I do?" Ed says, "You're slicing it - don't turn the club face so much on your follow through."

lol

OSUALUM78 wrote:INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.





DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is just a gaming program, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your systems resources). In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. That is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

That is awesome!!!!

mini jokes

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

************************************************************
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.